“To the girl who feels guilty for sleeping with someone.”

Your wholeness comes not in Right-ness but in Love given to you by your Maker, and learning how to see yourself as He does.

I encourage you to take some time and read THIS post over on laurennicolelove’s blog. It brought tears to my eyes. It is raw, real, emotional and there is truth to be heard in it. 


500ish words

A few months ago I had to put mine and Ben’s story into 500 words. It was *hard*. There is a lot that went on between the bellow paragraphs, but if I was to write it out we would be here for the next week 😉

Enjoy! Feel free to leave questions/comments or private message me via facebook 🙂 

 ❤ …

One evening in the fall of 2010 I came home and sobbed my heart out to Abby, my roommate. You see, I had this thought that I hoped that some day something could come of this boy and I. I felt awful about it though. Ben is 3 years younger, we treated each other as brother/sister, and he probably didn’t even think of me beyond that.

The Wishart’s became a big part of my life and so I spent a lot of time around them. I saw the respect and admiration Ben has for his parents/older siblings/leaders, how he treated those god put in his path, and his passion for pursuing God and applying Truth to his life. He treated Abby and I in a fun, but respectful, brotherly fashion.

Over the end part of last year and early part of this year I thought I had convinced myself that I didn’t care about Ben in “that way” and that would be that. But…things started coming up again. I’d catch Ben’s eye or he would make some comment and it would make me wonder if something was actually there. Could it be?!

As things continued to build I talked to a few close friends and asked them to just be praying. I refused to be the one who would initiate the DTR, as badly as I wanted that conversation to happen. I don’t think I have ever been taught so much about patience and waiting on God’s timing as I did this spring. 

During a conversation I ended up telling Ben that I just wasn’t sure where I stood with some people and it was hard. Heh. He knew exactly what I was reffering to. April 29th Ben said he wanted to grab coffee that week and talked about what we were thinking, feeling, and just have some things out on the table. We worked things out to meet at a coffee shop on the 3rd. All day long my heart was in my throat. Would he say he wanted to clarify that I am just a sister to him…or…would this be the beginning of “maybe someday”?

It was the start of Maybe Someday! Benjamin and I have been dating for 10 months now. Since we have known each other for several years our conversation is not the usual “getting to know you” questions. But we still have SO much fun together and always learn something new about each other. I fall in love with Benjamin a little more each day. I love how he sees life and how he goes after it; I adore his odd sense of humor; how he helps me see and understand God more; and the fact that I can just be myself around him. 🙂

God’s timing is perfect…He sees all the little details of our stories and how they will be best woven together!

love anyway

I came over here to blog a little about being open and real with those I love and how that leaves me vulnerable and a scared.

Then I realized I had just blogged about that a few weeks ago. 😛 I guess I am still facing that though. Now I sound all angsty-teenager-dealing-with-being-insecure. Oh dear.

But…I do have a few thoughts to write out.

When you love someone you are honest and real with them. Yes, that makes you vulnerable and feel scared…wondering if it is joy or a hurting heart that will come later. But it is worth it; that is what I keep reminding myself of.

Love anyway.

HE loves even when I am turn my back to Him. HE loves when I am completely unlovable. HE loved me before anyone ever did. And HE showed His love for me by dying for me. So I will love Him and seek Him…and I will love those He has placed me in friendship with.